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Field Reports

This is intelligence from our Field Agents (that's you). Discover what your fellow Agents are up to. Missions, mysteries, and more!

To file your own Report, send us an Eel-Mail.

Deputy Director Napoleon responds to your mail

Field Agent: Zach / age: 8 / location: South Carolina
The cheese was stolen from my fridge!!!! I don't know who did it! Please help!

Napoleon replies:
Let me once again state for the record: why is everybody looking at me?

Field Agent: Pam / age: 11 / location: Florida
I am a dolphin in Florida. I am trying to keep CRUST from stealing the gold from sunken galleons (Spanish treasure ships). I nabbed almost all of them, but there's still a few left. Mission almost accomplished.

Napoleon replies:
Keep up the good work, Agent Pam! But I thought galleons were what milk comes in.

Field Agent: Kat / age: Pretty old
Photo Booths Eats Customers! "They didn't smile!" stated witnesses, "They refused, so the Photo Booth ate them!" Must go deeper into this investigation. Don't call me, I call you. Highly Undercover, Kat.

Napoleon replies:
My clothes dryer eats socks, but a photo booth that eats customers? Maybe they're cousins...

Field Agent: Sammy / age: 9
Regarding: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Calling all agents! St. Louis MO is under attack by CRUST. Try the Japan mission. AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Napoleon replies:
That sounds awful! I could tell just by title of your message - the "AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" - that things weren't going well. My top 5 least favorite message titles are:
5. Mmmmmhhhmmmmhmmmffff!
4. Urf!
3. Wacka-wacka-wacka-hey-hey-hey-zowie!
2. When are you going to get a real job? (That's from Mother.)
1. Aaaaaaiiiiieeeee!

Field Agent: Ashleigh / age: 13 / location: Colorado
HELP! An eel tripped me and made me bleed. I need help now!

Napoleon replies:
I'm sorry to hear that. The good thing, though - and I'm talking from experience here - is that whenever this happens, simply use the eel as a tourniquet to stop the flow of blood until you can put an adhesive bandage on it. Then you'll BOTH feel better.

Field Agent: Adreanna / age: 13 / location: Wyoming
Tomorrow I am going undercover at a Soccer Game. The other team may have connections to CRUST.

Napoleon replies:
Look for the players using their hard exoskeletons to knock the ball around. That's generally the tip-off.

Field Agent: Felicia / age: 18 / location: Maryland
I think y'all need to play that banging music.

Napoleon replies:
I think you may be onto something. We've tried Classical, Folk, and Country, but none of them has worked. We'll let you know if this takes care of the... problem.

Field Agent: Anna / age: 12 / location: California
CRUST is planning to kidnap the Officer Solomon!! One of the eel-mails is really an electric eel that's going to knock Officer Solomon out with an electrical surge and take him to CRUST headquarters where they will hypnotize him and force him to use his very good ability to disguise himself for evil. One of my arch-enemies is a human working for CRUST, so that's how I found out. Hurry! They are going to kidnap him at 10:00 am. You must get him out of the office until 11:30, when the eel is due back at CRUST.

Napoleon replies:
Thanks for the tip, Agent Anna! Because of you, Solomon stood outside HQ, disguised as a bike rack until the threat was over. (At least I THINK he was the bike rack. He may have been the mailbox, or the squirrel food-vendor. He really IS a master of disguise.)

Field Agent: AJ / age: 12
I am going into 7th grade and I am nervous. Please help.

Napoleon replies:
Not to worry, Agent AJ. Seventh grade is easy. Well, the SECOND time around it was easy.

Field Agent: Eric / age: 13 / location: Arkansas
Hey, I need help getting my home work turned in on time. Can you help me?

Napoleon replies:
Sure! Just set your homework-doing robot ahead an hour or two. That should take care of it.

Field Agent: Lena / age: 10 / location: California
Fellow field agents - Five mad giraffes just attacked. Cannot tell you my exact location but good luck on your missions!!

Napoleon replies:
I had a problem with a giraffe once, too. All I said was, "How's the weather up there?" Boy, was she steamed.