Dear Crusty,
This crab I know insists on shedding her old shell while eating at my dinner table. What should I do? She won't stop, even though I've told her over and over again that I find her behavior unpleasant.

– Crabby in Coral Beach

Dear Crabby,
Unpleasant? It's totally gross, is what it is! Tell her that if she MUST molt, she should at least wait until after dessert.

Dear Crusty,
A friend of mine came over with her little squid. After they left, I found squid ink on my good tablecloth. I've tried everything - lemon juice, seltzer, mayonnaise - but nothing seems to get the stain out. Any suggestions?

– Annoyed in Atlantic City

Dear Annoyed,
Try splashing the tablecloth with grape juice, motor oil, and tomato sauce. Then you won't notice that other stain so much.

Dear Crusty,
I've invited an octopus to dinner. How should I set the table?

– Wondering in Watertown

Dear Wondering,
From left to right, it's: spoon, spoon, spoon, fork, (dinner plate), spoon, knife, spoon, olive pitter. And don't forget the tentacle bowl.

Dear Crusty,
How can I get my pufferfish friend not to puff up in my house? Last time, he knocked over one of my best table lamps.

– Delighted But Not Happy in Daytona Beach

Dear Delighted,
That's what pufferfish do. You should know that by now. Get a new lamp, and get over it.

Dear Crusty,
All my crab friends were sneaking off to explore an old shipwreck, and told me to come, too. I knew my mom wouldn't approve, but I went anyway. Now I feel bad. Should I tell her?

– Sad in Seattle

Dear Sad,
Not to worry. I've taken the liberty of telling your mother myself, so you can stop feeling bad now. Yes, yes, I know. You can thank me later.

Dear Crusty,
Lobster traps: what's up with that?!

– Curious in the Cayman Islands

Dear Curious,
Myself, I believe they are a myth. On the other claw, some of my friends have not returned after playing in those cool wood-and-net caves you see around, so maybe there's some truth to the rumors.

Dear Crusty,
My "friend" has these unsightly hairs on his thorax. They really bother my "friend" a lot, and my "friend" feels self-conscious without a shirt on. What can my "friend" do?

– Hairy in Half Moon Bay

Dear Hairy,
Have you tried plucking? That really seemed to work for my "friend" when he had that problem.

Dear Crusty,
Which is better: fresh water or salt water?

– Deciding in Dardanelles

Dear Deciding,
Definitely salt water. Everything just tastes better.