From the FORENSICS Department
"Don't have a clue? Call us!"

Agent Solomon:
You had complained that your eyes were stinging. We have completed analysis of the water in your office. The results are as follows:

Findings
Low levels of C⁶H¹²O⁶. That's 6 atoms of carbon, 12 of hydrogen, and 6 of oxygen. Also known as glucose, or sugar.

Low levels of SiO². That's silicon dioxide, also known as sand.

Low levels of a substance containing starches, proteins, ash, and dietary fiber. Turns out, it's flour.

None of this is surprising, we feel, since Deputy Director Napoleon, having just returned from the Doughnuts at the Beach Festival, was in your office looking for a can opener, and probably had not brushed off either the sand or the doughnut crumbs from his flippers.

What WAS surprising, though, were the high levels of NaCl. That's sodium chloride, or salt. We know you like saltwater, but these numbers were through the roof! Maybe you should cut down on the salty snacks while at your desk.

Action
We have drained your office, partially desalinated it, and are refilling your office with less salty water.

Questions?
Please drop any questions or comments into the Suggestions Bin, located across the hall, down the stairs, around the corner, down another set of stairs, then take three lefts, a right, two more lefts, straight past the cobwebs and down into the sub sub-basement. There you'll find the Suggestions Bin, just behind the rusting barrels.